In addition to looking at the world, I have tried to also look at myself. According to my AI friend, “Steve Harris's reflections deeply intertwine his personal and professional life, offering a candid self-portrait of a historian grappling with the complexities of existence, knowledge, and societal change. His writings are not merely academic discussions but are imbued with personal insights, struggles, and a continuous quest for meaning and coherence.”
My professional journey is marked by a significant shift from a law and business career to that of a historian and educator. I spent fourteen years in the AT&T/Bell System, where I was involved in regulatory and public policy matters, especially around new technologies and later worked as general counsel for internet companies. I found this work "fine, often interesting," but recognized it as an "occupation, not vocation," lacking true passion.
My transition to history, starting in 2005, was driven by a love for learning, teaching, and research. I found immense satisfaction in engaging with students, sharing philosophical perspectives alongside substantive history. This "second career" as a "contingent" faculty member at SF State, while subject to enrollment and budget pressures, brought a renewed sense of opportunity and engagement. I was a "utility infielder" in the History Department, teaching diverse classes and continuously learning new material and techniques, despite the marginal benefit of long-term investment for a contingent faculty member.
Personal Sensibilities and Coping Mechanisms
According to my AI friend, my reflections “paint a picture of a thoughtful individual constantly in dialogue with himself, his past, his profession, and the world around him. His personal experiences and inclinations inform his rigorous yet empathetic approach to history and truth, recognizing the fluidity of both and advocating for a conscious, critical engagement with the complexities of human existence.”
My professional journey is marked by a significant shift from a law and business career to that of a historian and educator. I spent fourteen years in the AT&T/Bell System, where I was involved in regulatory and public policy matters, especially around new technologies and later worked as general counsel for internet companies. I found this work "fine, often interesting," but recognized it as an "occupation, not vocation," lacking true passion.
My transition to history, starting in 2005, was driven by a love for learning, teaching, and research. I found immense satisfaction in engaging with students, sharing philosophical perspectives alongside substantive history. This "second career" as a "contingent" faculty member at SF State, while subject to enrollment and budget pressures, brought a renewed sense of opportunity and engagement. I was a "utility infielder" in the History Department, teaching diverse classes and continuously learning new material and techniques, despite the marginal benefit of long-term investment for a contingent faculty member.
Personal Sensibilities and Coping Mechanisms
- I have a deep-seated concern with order and organization, stemming from childhood admonitions to "clean up after yourself" and later, as a coping mechanism for "vast uncertainty and insecurity" during college. This extends to physical neatness, digital organization, and meticulous planning for trips or daily errands. This construction of order is a "tiny corner where I could be sure I knew what was happening," a "site of solace and calm and (nominal) psychological safety," and even a way to "fight off death;" Even if this inclination can sometimes become a "fetish or compulsion".
- I am a "skeptical agnostic" regarding God, applying a scientific outlook that demands demonstration and replicability. This skepticism extends to claims of absolute truth, whether in religion or even in science, acknowledging that scientific truth is "tentative" and represents "the best we know so far". We can find humility in recognizing that human understanding is limited, that "we don't know what's going to stick, alter, or fade" in social change, which is especially useful in avoiding smugness, whether born of scientific success or personal indulgence.
- My blog has been a vehicle to work on self-candor, exploring my own proclivities, psychological sources of attitudes, and the tension between self-indulgence and self-deprivation. I am making an effort to "know myself," aligning with philosophical and spiritual traditions. So, just as I asked students to write their own eulogies as an exercise in projection and self-reflection, I undertook the same for myself, covering my life, benefits, challenges, and aspirations. This "eulogy" exercise forced me to project into the future, assessing the trajectory of one's life and what might be remembered. Since "little is remembered for long" for most people, and that "a good historical reputation" offers scant solace to the dead, it is only "human connection, intellectual sparks, and a sense of accomplishment [that are] ... the delicious food" of life.
- Approaching my 70th birthday, I frequently reflected on aging, the passage of time, and mortality. The subjective experience of time seeming to "go faster" with age. My life (as Carole King said) is a "tapestry" woven from countless interactions, many transient and unmemorable, yet collectively forming the unique fabric of my existence. It is "strange and moving" to realize the interconnectedness of all people and the "ultimate multi-dimensionality" of human connections. This perspective gives me an "antidote to statistical thinking and grand collective nouns like 'the human race'".
- Thus, human connection is essential; it’s important to engage with others on a "regular, extensive, and substantive basis". My relationship with my wife, Gina, is a profound source of luck, brightness, and a catalyst for him to "open his overly-tight self-image, coldness, and arrogance." I also deeply value my long-term friendships, which provide grounding and a "critical corrective to getting stuck in my own cultural cul-de-sac".
- Interactions with my students, often much younger, provide "sharply different perspectives on the world," challenging my own "cultural cul-de-sac" and assumptions. This intergenerational dialogue helps me understand how "mores, styles, and language are commonplaces of modern life" and how different generations perceive social change.
- Truth" is not constant; its meaning changes over time, just like "democracy" or "liberalism". I distinguish between "Christian truth" and "scientific truth," emphasizing that they operate in different realms with different epistemologies. Science is tentative, incremental, and requires demonstration and replication, while metaphysics is "beyond physics" and cannot be scientifically proven.
- Thus, I am wary of the "comfort of coherence" and "psychological security" derived from simplistic stories, especially in history. "History" (the academic discipline) is "the stories we choose to tell about the past," but which are therefore "selective, skewed, and incomplete". History offers no simple "lessons," asserting that projecting past events onto current or future situations is a "game for mugs and pundits". "Wrestling with those complications and contradictions—grounded in our best efforts to see 'what actually happened'—is precisely what History should be about,” even if much of the past is "forever beyond the reach of archive/evidence-bound historians" and that historical interpretation is "always flavored by the mental capabilities, psychological parameters, and ethical values of the perceiver/interpreter".
- As Wordsworth said: "The World is Too Much with Us" as we live amid the "noise" from incessant media, leading to "psychological distress, disorientation, and nihilism. While there are real benefits from technological advances and globalization, there is also a "cost; real, if hard to grasp," in terms of psychological coherence and social fabric erosion.
- Thus, the "deconstruction of our shared social picture of reality" and the rise of "epistemological silos" fueled by political polarization, where different groups dismiss others' views as "fake news" or mythology makes it increasingly difficult to be confident about the future.
- It is the "human condition to struggle for meaning." As a result, even if I am aware of their limitations, I find comfort in constructed narratives and the "apparent certainty of numbers," even when these are "fictions" or based on "semi-plausible theories" like conspiracy theories, to feel more in control of a bewildering world. I’m trying to "fortify myself and figure out what is really essential in me" as a defense against worldly intrusions.
According to my AI friend, my reflections “paint a picture of a thoughtful individual constantly in dialogue with himself, his past, his profession, and the world around him. His personal experiences and inclinations inform his rigorous yet empathetic approach to history and truth, recognizing the fluidity of both and advocating for a conscious, critical engagement with the complexities of human existence.”
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